Where Did You Learn to Give?

One of the most heartwarming experiences I have had as a development professional is hearing the answers to this question: Where did you learn to give? 

When coaching development professionals, I always encourage them to spend time understanding the donor’s passion. Asking where someone learned to give opens a heart space in donors to tell amazing stories and review some beautiful memories that might have been long forgotten. 

According to my unofficial sociological study, giving is genetic. We learn from our parents and grandparents, or else our partners teach us after learning it in their families.

Here are some of the most treasured stories I have gleaned from donors:

I learned to give from walking the neighborhood with my dad, towing a wagon full of salamis. We sold the salamis as a fundraiser for our shul [synagogue]. My dad would not let us go home until every single salami was sold. My hand in his, we walked up and down the sidewalks doing this good deed on behalf of our community. 

I learned to give by watching my father. He had a store in Denver close to an area where people less fortunate than us lived. After a good sales day, my dad would grab a handful of nickels and put them in his pocket. He walked out of the store to share his good fortune with those who were having a hard time. On a really good day, the pocket was filled with dimes. 

I learned to give from my mother. When I was a child, there was a collection box in our school. Every day, my mother sent me to school with a coin for the collection box and a second coin for a classmate who could not afford to give each day. 

But what if we didn’t learn to give from our families? What if we want our children to become generous people, even though we didn’t have a role model for philanthropy ourselves? How do we create a giving gene?

The answer: by doing. The more you give, the more you will continue to give. Giving is like any muscle; you have to exercise it.

A good place to start with young children is Sesame Street and Elmo’s three jars: for me, for you, for later. Spend, share, save.

Where did I learn to give? I have early memories of giving, but I didn’t understand what it was about at the time.

My grandmother had a JNF blue box on her windowsill. 

We went trick or treating for UNICEF and collected coins in a cardboard box. 

I saw my maternal grandfather giving dollar bills to people at the plaza.  

Last but not least, I saw this same grandfather plan trips to benefit B’nai Brith.

I didn’t really know what all this giving meant until I became a fundraising professional. I learned from the most generous members of our community. Their stories became my stories. I always aim to follow in their footsteps and to be a role model. 

What’s the message here for adults? Explain what you are doing and why you are giving. Explain to your children, their children, and anyone who will listen. Grow with your children and teach them to be generous humans. 

If you have stories about where you learned to give, please let me know. I would love to hear them. 

Blessings for an abundance of generosity.